No update, I’m afraid.  But I’ve been making some pretty good sourdough.

I came out of general anesthesia in more pain than I’ve ever experienced.   I can’t quite explain it.  Like being violated with a hot poker, maybe.  They gave me i.v. fentanyl (morphine on steroids) while waiting for the percocet to start working.  It took about 25 minutes to get it under control, but since then I’ve been feeling pretty ok.

I came home last night.  Very relieved to avoid spending a night in the hospital.  My good friend Bill was, as ever, ready to run to the store and make us dinner.  The doc told me that I should stick to liquids for the night..  cream soup..  and so it was.  It came back up as easily as it went down.  I always thought I had a pretty strong stomach.  Feeling fine this morning, though.  Just had coffee.  Toast coming right up.

The tumor was so close to the anal verge that they were able to dilate the anus and work on it directly, rather than with a scope of some sort.  I’m pretty sure that it was the dilation that left me hurting, more than the extraction itself.

The doc said that the procedure went well.  He removed the tumor entirely.  Said that it looked mostly like scar tissue.  Now we just wait for biopsy results.  If all goes well, and this is it..   it will be nothing short of miraculous.  I DO dare to hope.  I’m prepared to hear that they have to go back in.  It will be a little heartbreaking, but I’m braced for it.  Somehow, though, I’m not expecting it.  I’m feeling deep down as though I’ve won.

Naturally, I’ll let you all know as soon as I hear.

Thank you thank you for your thoughts.

Surgery went well.

I’m exhausted.  I will write in the morning.

Thanks.

It has gotten a little chillier here in NYC.  Feels as though winter may actually be coming.  I’m sitting on our new kitchen built-in couch, and starting my “preparation”.  Oh boy!  Surgery tomorrow morning.

I’m sorry for the radio silence.

I have been so enjoying feeling like myself, and working in the shop, that keeping a blog has taken a back seat.  Since getting back from Nova Scotia, I’ve managed to knock three frames (nearly) off the queue.  They’ve all been replaced by new orders.  Oh well..  There’s no getting ahead.  It’s been a joy, and I wish there were more hours in day.

There has been very little to report.   Things, however, are about to get exciting again!  I am scheduled for surgery on Monday morning.

This last week I’ve had various pre-op appointments.  A chest x-ray, ekg, another petscan.   All came back normal, which, in the case of the petscan is particularly exciting.  Any sizable mass of cancer would show up on the petscan if it was there.  This doesn’t rule out living cancer at a microscopic level, however.  The biopsies that they did immediately following treatment also showed no sign of cancer..  so I’m feeling pretty optimistic.

I’ll start eating pretty boring food today, and switch to a clear liquid diet tomorrow.  Tomorrow evening I get to do a “preparation” (docs are so diplomatic) and monday morning I’ll go in to the hospital first thing in the morning.  Surgery is scheduled for 11:00.  Please cross your fingers, pray, do voodoo, ride your bike or whatever it is that you feel this calls for.  There is the distinct chance that by the end of this week, once the biopsies are finished, they’ll declare me cured (four more months of prophylactic chemo to follow, but hey!).. so any push I can get in this direction is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all.

Putney made my costume.  I didn’t help her at all.  Really.  I think it’s very clever.  Wish I’d thought of it.

Tomorrow is the NYC marathon, and the very first Sunday breakfast ride that will be attended by more than just me and Hill.  NICE!  We’ll be leaving from my house around 8:30.  Email me for instructions if you haven’t been here before..  and probably email to let me know you’re coming so we don’t leave without you!  So far it’ll be: me, Hill, Panda, Joy, Chris, my mom (all riding fast boys!), Georges, Marian, Missy and Ashton.

I should explain my intent for these rides.  Mostly they’ll be about the breakfast, whether that’s as a destination ride to some great breakfast spot, or a loop that winds up back at the VT house.  I don’t really imagine them as exercise rides as much as just calm Sunday outings..  that hopefully lead us to nice places.  Tomorrow we’ll ride up through harlem to the cloisters, and then on to Inwood park and back via the bike path.  Just to take the air (we may swing out to the middle of the GWB just to show FPKK the view).  Short ride ending up with some huevos rancheros back at my place.  So for those of you who feel anxious about going out with us.. don’t worry.  It’ll be mellow and slow.  For those of you hoping for a trainging ride..  This thing will add more calories than it burns.

Be in touch if you want to join in.

EDIT:  OH! and remember to set your clocks back.  You get an extra hour in the morning..  You can show up here at 7:30 if you WANT, but you’ll be waiting around for a bit.

Had another appointment with the surgeon yesterday.  Just a week later, and he said that the tumor had continued to shrink, and was much softer.  He felt encouraged.  He says that he’d like to have me come in to the hospital, and under anesthesia he’ll remove all of the tumor material and do detailed biopsies.  If there is no sign of any cancer, he says that he’ll be satisfied to stop at that.    (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

He claims that the chances of this are about 10-15 percent.  I’m a wicked lucky guy. I’ll take those odds.

This could happen as soon as the week before thanksgiving, though he says that there’s no particular advantage to it.  If it’s up to me, I’ll wait until just after.

Even more exciting, however, is that he said it was fine for me to ride a real bike again (I asked him to break it to Alberto for me..  like a kid going to dad when mom says no.)  So I went straight home and tuned up the white track bike that’s been patiently waiting for me on the bike room wall.  YAY!

I was in the bathroom last night getting ready for bed.  “hey babe..  look at this, I’m loosing all my pubic hair!..  look!”

She said, “yeah.  You’re loosing your eyelashes too.”

“WHAT!?”

Sure enough.  Almost none left on the bottom, and they’re jumping ship fast on the top.  Compare to this.  My eyebrows, however, continue to hang on like champs.  EYEBROW POWER!

I went to see Alberto today.  He did blood work.  I’m still anemic.  So it turns out I’m not ACTUALLY feeling better, I just think I am. (?)

He sent me over to see the surgeon.

The surgeon smiled, “it’s nice to see you.”

“You too,” I said. “I lost my hair.”

“Let me see.”   I took off my hat.  “It’s perfect,” he said.  I’m not sure what he meant, but he was beeming.

He did a *cough* digital exam.  He said “It’s really much better..  much smaller.  It is my gut sense,” (yes, he said “gut sense”) “however, that I will still need to amputate.”

Damn.

Wasn’t much of a day.

On the bright side, he doesn’t feel that we need to be in too much of a hurry.  Whatever surgery he does, he’s willing to wait until after Thanksgiving.  Good.

I’ve had just about the best week.  I know I’ve mentioned it in past posts, but I’ve never felt more energetic in my life.  I’d say I’m at about 80% now.  But after the last couple of months of chemo brain and anemia, 80% is like being on amphetamines.  Man.  I’m FAST.  I’ve been working 10-12 hour days.  No wasted time.  It hasn’t all been in the shop..  I’ve been doing some projects around the house as well, and some construction stuff over at my mom’s new place (my folks are retiring* to an apartment two blocks away from us here in harlem!).  But I did manage to build a frame this week.  I’ll get out to the shop today to build the fork and do some finish work, but other than that, it’s ready for the painter.

I sure hope that this sense of perspective lasts.

A brief medical update for those who come for that:  I haven’t seen Alberto since getting back, but have a meeting with him next week.  He says that he’s spoken with the surgeon he has in mind, and that the surgeon is on board with the feeling that it’s worth trying to save my continence..  weeee!  I’ll meet with them both next week.  Alberto is going to try to track down another surgeon to get an unaffected opinion from him, just to see if, independantly, he has the same sort of optimism.  Surgery will be sometime in the middle of November.  If it gets pushed too far back and seems as though it will interfere with thanksgiving, I may request that we wait until AFTER.

Thanksgiving is my holiday.  That’s the one I like.  There’s no heavy commercial component, no pressure to buy stuff and give it to people, just the encouragement to get together with a bunch of people and pool resources to have a really good meal (and then think about how fortunate you really are..  just take a deep breath after good food and good drink, and think “yeah.. we’re winning.”)  For the last bunch of years, we’ve hosted thanksgiving here at the house in harlem.  We try to collect as many folks as possible from the city who aren’t going home to their families.  Travelling around the holidays sucks.  We always have a much better time just staying put.  Anyway, I love TG and it would be a real pisser to be layed up for it.

On halloween, Megan (aka faster panda kill kill, aka BFF, aka fast boy cycles web guru) will be arriving!  She’s coming up from Austin TX to visit for 5 days or so.  During her stay some fun stuff will happen.  Laura Clutterbuck, my dear dear surogate Auntie (mom’s best friend from growing up in South Africa) will be in town to run the New York marathon.  Talk about inspiring.  She STARTED running at 60 years old, just a few years ago.  Ran in the London marathon last year, and did well enough to get a spot in the NYC marathon.  Also during her stay, we’ll oust the current administration!  No matter what way your political views swing (and to most of you, I’m sure it’s pretty obvious where I stand), I think we can agree that this current crew has sucked.  Make sure to vote!!  It’ll feel good.

So!  stay posted.  I think it would be fun to organize some sort of a ride while Megan is here.  Maybe even a halloween ride?

* “retiring” may not be the right word since neither of them plans to stop working, but we’ve been calling it that anyway.

I got back to NYC on saturday night to find a stack of the latest issue of the derailleur.  I am stunned.  Naturally it was my intention to post about it on Sunday morning, but I’ve been at something of a loss for what to say.  I can’t help but feel that the guy you’re all describing is a guy I’d like to know.  Or maybe a guy I’d like to be.  How do I write about my reaction to this without it seeming like false modesty?

So instead, I jumped into work.

On sunday I went to the lumber yard in the morning with my mom and got what I needed to make a built in couch to replace the bike portrait couch in the kitchen.

Naturally I’ll be a little sad to see the portrait couch go (as will putney), but the truth is..  it was a crap couch.  Way too soft, and completely filthy.  Now we’re just waiting on cushions.

On Monday, I pulled off all the cabinet doors and drawer faces in the kitchen and painted them.  I’ve been wanting to do this for ages.  Now my kitchen is orange.

Yesterday, I went out to my shop at 7:00 in the morning and cleaned it.  Made it sparkly.  Then mitered up some tubes and brazed Tangle’s main triangle.  Going to try to add the back end today.

So now it’s wednesday morning, and I still haven’t figured out how to thank you all for your comments in the derailleur.

Thank you Willow for thinking this up.

Thank you Megan for kicking me off my own blog to make it possible.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to actually write and send something in.  It’s a document of a pretty scary time in my life, and proof that I’ve had incredible support through it.

Ok.. this is shit.  I can’t say what this thing means to me.  Not really.  I got choked up reading it, and I will again each time I re-read it.  I will always have this.  Thanks.