I gave myself an injection in the stomach, something that’s supposed to encourage blood growth, and started to cry uncontrollably. Finally just broke (it only took 2 months).

I’m on a break from the chemo because my blood counts are so low.  I woke up feeling good yesterday so I got on my bike to ride to radiation.  The 3 mile ride nearly killed me.  Chest pain, exhaustion, lightheadedness, etc.  The ride home wasn’t any different. I spent the rest of the day sitting down.

This morning I walked down to the farmer’s market with Hill and Putney.  I made Hill late for work, I was moving so slow.

So this is Anemia?  A whole new kind of fun.

I know perfectly well that the feelings of uselessness, dispair, are just temporary.  Somehow, knowing that doesn’t make it go away. I’m pretty sure that a few more blood cells and a bike ride would help.

Meanwhile, I’ve just got two weeks of treatment left.  Two more weeks before they pronounce this thing dead (we hope).  With some luck they’ll say, “you’re cancer free.  Go ride a real bike.”  I will comply.

I went in this morning, and sure enough my white blood cell count was TOO low.

Alberto gave me some shots to administer at home over the weekend. We’ll try again on Tuesday.

Weeeee! vacation!

Back to the shop!

I’m up. Drinking coffee.

Yesterday sucked. Lots of puking.

Now trying to put myself back together for another day of it.

Alberto said that if my white cell counts got much lower he’d have to pause treatment.. (I’m thinking, “really? You promise?”). Of course, then again.. not sure I want it dragged out. Because of no treatment on labor day (cancer deserves a day off like everyone else), I already have to go back again on monday. A couple of days off over the weekend to recover a little and then right back in for a “STAY down!” kick in the teeth.

By the middle of next week, though, I should be feeling pretty well again, though. Then just a few more weeks of radiation, and the cancer should be dead. Nice. Sorry buddy.

Then I get 6 weeks or so of rest before surgery. I’ve been looking forward to it the same way you did summer vacation when you were a kid. It occurred to me the other day, though, that it’s going to be pretty weird. Their prediction is that the chemo and radiation should pretty much kill this thing.. so I’ll be feeling great. I’ll be feeling like myself. Give me a couple weeks there to recover from the treatment, and I’ll be on top of the world. Cancer free, etc. Then in early November, they’ll call me back in and say, “yeah.. um.. we’d like to remove your ass.”

“Hey! no thanks! I feel great!”

“No really. We need to.”

“dammit”

The whole no hair thing has been pretty weird. Strange to get used to in the mirror and all, but there’s a bigger thing. I’ve been in this neighborhood for over 8 years. I pretty much know everyone. Some of them knew about the cancer, and others didn’t. It just hadn’t really come up in conversation. But now it’s pretty hard to avoid.

“Hey! that’s a good new look!”

“Um yeah.. It’s cancer.”

“No way!… Are you joking?”

“I wouldn’t”

Without hair, I look exactly like I’m wearing Groucho Marx nose and glasses (minus the mustache, I guess..  I’ll work on it).

I went back to chemo today.  Home now.  Feeling fine.  Ready for a nap and I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to convince Putney to join me.

I got in the shower this morning, ran my hand through my hair, and ended up with handfuls of the stuff. Totally bizarre. I was able to just grab junks of it and pull it out with no pain at all. Decided it would be simplest just to get rid of it. They told me I wouldn’t loose my hair. I was a little disappointed; I thought it would be cool to have an excuse to be bald, but I’ll admit that being surprised by it like that was a bit emotional. (good thing I have a hat ready to go!)

Tomorrow I go back for my second round of chemo. Hoping this time my stomach doesn’t revolt to quite the same degree.

Today marks the end of three weeks of treatment. Three more to go (starting with the dreaded chemo).

So far so good. AND I get a three day weekend!

Today, I’m pretty sure I can’t be stopped. I blew the doors off some roadie (do roadies have doors?) on the way back through the park. What I haven’t mentioned about the assless is that it goes down hill like a bobsled on fire. Without a seat it’s possible to get into a super-duper aero tuck.. (pictures soon, I promise). The bearings on those phil hubs make up for any disadvantage I have with those chubby tires. I was seven seconds behind at the top of the hill (yup, I counted.. for scientific purposes), and blew by her like she was a potted plant about three quarters of the way down. In fairness, I’m pretty sure she had no idea she was racing.. but hopefully when I flew by like a seatless idiot with my ass practically being burnished by the rear wheel, I gave her something to chuckle about.

Joking aside, I’m feeling much more energetic than yesterday, and today I think I’ll stick to advil for the discomfort, so I don’t get all drowsy. I’ve got tubes to bend!!

EDIT: added at 8:30 friday evening.  As promised! SUPER DUPER AERO TUCK!!!

My UPS guy, Kenny, brought me some stuff yesterday afternoon.  NICE.  This is actually two different tools.

The big thing is a tubing roller, for making large radius bends in tubing (I have dies for 3/4″ and 1 1/8″)

The other is a regular tubing bender for tighter bends. (dies for 1/4″ 3/8″ 1/2″ and 5/8″).

I woke up this morning (at 5:30) feeling just exhausted.  Got on the assless and went off to radiation.  It was clear to me right away that today wasn’t going to be a work day.  I’ve been in consistently more pain lately.  Took some tylenol 3 (with codeine) for it..  that has just added dopey to already tired.  Oh well.  It’s pleasant in a way.  Just a bit of a pisser, because I’d rather be playing with benders than taking a nap.

Got on the scale and it said 151!!!  NICE.  (I admit.  I had my shoes on, and was holding a cup of coffee..  but still.  Small victories.)

I was up and out early, as usual.  A beautiful day here in NYC.  Cool and dry and clear.  I threw my leg over the Assless, and off I went, thinking to myself how very cool it was to have this bike.  I’m hoping against hope that during my break between treatment and surgery they let me ride with a seat.  In the mean time, being mobile has meant the world.  Thank you all who have donated money and parts.  I think of you every time I ride.

And I have nothing to report.

All is going well. A little pain here and there.  Felt desperately tired yesterday afternoon, but didn’t manage to get in quite the nap I could have.  Better luck today.

I AM beginning to dread next week a little.  But it’ll all be over soon.

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Shams arrived the evening before. My brother arrived from B.C. around 6:30 yesterday morning. Chris met us at the house after doing some early laps in the park. We drank some coffee and got on bikes.

We were out on park avenue pretty early, in the scheme of things, but it was already full of cyclists and runners. So cool. We rode all the way down to Soho, where Hill was stationed.. Spent some time just watching bikes go by. Ate a little breakfast on the sidewalk. Missy, Joy and Michael met us there and we rode back north.

All told, I put about 16 miles on the assless bike. I’ll admit that by the end of it I was starting to feel a little fatigued, but it was really pretty ok. It was so wonderful to see all those folks out on bikes. Kids, old folks, tandems, bents, you name it. There were a lot of people that you got the sense might normally feel a little intimidated by riding in the city, who were out there getting a taste. Everyone was in a good mood! The proof is in the pudding.

Thomas’ show was the best show of live music I think I’ve ever seen. If you live in Boston, GO SEE THEM TONIGHT! It was pretty crazy too.. the first time my whole family (mom step-dad and all their kids) have been in the same place in several years.

A nice easy day today. Tomorrow I go back for another week of early morning radiation, and then, the following week it’s back to chemo. One more week to fortify myself for THAT misery again. I lost about 15 pounds in the end. Wound up at 136. I’m working hard to put it back on so I can loose it all over again!